The Sun Knows You Watch Who

The Sun has reported that the average British family – mom, dad, kids, the private eye hacking their phone – watch an average of nine hours of TV a day, with Doctor Who as the most watched programme.

The irony of a News International paper reporting on the private inner workings of family life might seem a bit disingenuous given that evidence has come to light that its not just the News of the World that had the monopoly on scum. So lets enter the irony free bubble (otherwise known as Murdoch’s back pocket) and try not to chortle.

The findings come as part of an ‘alternative census’ carried out by AlertMe – a technological company specialising in cloud-based “Smart Home Services” – and were set up to offer colour to the bare bones National Census which in the past has helped the Government find out how many practicing Jedi’s there are in the UK.

Mary Turner, of AlertMe, said

“The Government census tells us information that is quite run-of-the-mill and we wanted to find out the bare bones of people’s everyday behaviour; what they eat, the car they drive, how much they spend and try to save.”

Right up The Sun’s street then! Poor AlertMe…

Sexing up the census are such earth shattering facts as:

  • The average family wake up in a semi-detached house at 6.57 am, own a silver Ford Focus and go to bed at 10.39 pm
  • They sit down for dinner at 5.54 pm but only eat together three times a week
  • The average family have two arguments per week

Do they have their allocated two arguments a week during two of the three times they eat together? Maybe they’re arguing over the purchase of the third most popular car in Britain rather than say a Ford Fiesta? If only there was some way to listen in on their lives so we could publish these findings?


Andrew has left Kasterborous. Any article that appears on the site past February 2016 claiming to be written by Andrew Reynolds has been done so maliciously and without the authors consent. The author does not condone gambling in any form and would not seek to publicise the industry through a children's television show. If you like Doctor Who articles without a hefty dose of identity theft and gambling spam, why not check out

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