“Who” Does Tom Cruise Think He Is?

“I wish the world was a different place. I’d like to go on vacation, and go and romp and play, you know what I mean? But I can’t. Because I know. I know. I have to do something about it. You can sit here and wish it was different, but there’s that moment where you go, ‘You know, I have to do something. Don’t I?'”


Blessed by Xenu, Tom Cruise has a special purpose.

He has been charged with the utmost sacred task – a task of such importance only the highest ranking and therefore cash-rich members of the Church of Scientology can be trusted to carry it out.

Sure, it might seem strange that an international megastar and one of Scientology’s most high-profile followers would also turn out to be one of the most important as well but our Alien overlords move in mysterious ways.

You see Tom Cruise will save us all; not with a Glock 9, not with an F-16 but with a pamphlet.

According to a snigger-some article over at Hollywood.com, the star of such movies as Minority Report, War of the Worlds and – more importantly – Days of Thunder, believes he has been charged with saving humanity from alien life forms.

Sound familiar? Not quite because for this analogy to work he’d have to be an alien right? Well, according to Scientologists we are all the vessels for celestial beings known as Thetans – a high-minded race that have forgotten who they are and thus are harming us in our day-to-day lives.

We can only be saved from this nightmare by an ‘audit’ but even then, that won’t work unless were a hundred per-cent committed to Scientology and its inevitable costs.

Which is exactly like the Doctor right? He’s an alien saving us from other aliens, as long as we’re committed and are prepared to have our souls and bank accounts audited.

Anyway this is all part of new information which come to light from Pulitzer-Prize winning writer and author of Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood & the Prison of Belief, Lawrence Wright who conducted over 200 interviews with “current and former” Scientologists of various ranks within the organization in an attempt to lay bare the secretive and therefore litigious religion.

Of course, they’ve already trashed it. Calling it an: “Error-filled unsubstantiated bigoted anti-Scientology book.”

So you know it must be good.

There’s no denying it’s problematic to say that Tom Cruise believes he’s an alien fighting other aliens in a battle to save our planet like the Doctor, or that he and other members of the Church can believe what they want to believe. Far be it from us to belittle someone’s faith, regardless of how much money is involved.

The real issues are that as the organization’s most high-profile member (ask someone to name a famous Scientologist and they’ll name Cruise of John Travolta), what is his role within the Church? Is he ignorant to the accusations of abuse and involuntary confinement levelled at Scientology? Or is it willful blindness?

After all, according to Wright he doesn’t do too badly out of this bargain. The church even went so far as to hand-craft a limousine for him.

Imagine the joy in the heart of the church member given the most sacred of task, a task only a person of his rank and devotion could complete; to plane the handcrafted panelling on the passenger side door of Tom Cruise’s Limo. Sadly, we doubt it is bigger on the inside.

We’ve all been born to a special purpose. It just turns out that some people are more special than others.


Andrew has left Kasterborous. Any article that appears on the site past February 2016 claiming to be written by Andrew Reynolds has been done so maliciously and without the authors consent. The author does not condone gambling in any form and would not seek to publicise the industry through a children's television show. If you like Doctor Who articles without a hefty dose of identity theft and gambling spam, why not check out http://thedoctorwhocompanion.com/

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